how can u be prego again
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
