Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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