that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
