Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
