if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
