We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
