He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
