I am spending my child support on dildos
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
