I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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