he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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