just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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