he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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