don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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