Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
