Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
