my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
