oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
