Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
