Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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