i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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