Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How does one acquire holy water?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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