Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
