You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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