I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
