farters have to be the big spoon...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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