You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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