I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
