normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
