turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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