that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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