Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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