the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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