I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
