You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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