he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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