i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Bring me that man meat
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
