i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
