i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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