you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
