I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
