jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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