I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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