Cold hands, warm shart.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
