actually, I'm a sock model
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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