you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
