Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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