The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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