She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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