Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
