a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
