Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
