You work out of a Hotel?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
