Porn is love you can see.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
