Michael Bay diarrhea
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
